Relationships are hard work for any couple, and it takes a great coach to help them move through these difficulties. They will stumble; they will fall. It will be your job to make sure they don’t stumble and fall backwards!
There is a new soon-to-be published book with the working title Men Are Stupid, Women Are Crazy… that may be a great tool you can use to understand and coach your couples. The authors, Michael and Brigitte Craig, are currently asking for your stories about stupid men or crazy women (or both). The fact that this subject is only now coming to light is interested . . . .because this comes under the “everybody knows” category, right?
The reasons men and women are so different are the same reasons that couples coaching is so difficult – and more of an art than a science. Sessions usually consist of listening, followed by questions about how they want their relationship to look, then a lot of followup sessions with you trying to help them figure out how to smoothe out the wrinkles.
Sometimes couples simply cannot come to common ground, and end up separating or divorcing. Its not anyone’s fault necessarily; these things happen.
Your job as a relationship coach is to guide them towards
- Understanding the needs and motivation of one another
- Finding ways to accept those needs, and
- Finding ways to satisfy those needs for their mutual benefit.
If this cannot be accomplished, so be it. The timing may be off, or they genuinely may not be good for one another.
If the coaching doesn’t help at all, its usually because one or both partners don’t really want to stay married, and have hidden agendas that don’t come to light during your times together. Even a split can be considered successful, however, if both parties come to the realization they were not meant for each other (they need to reach this decision mutually, however . . . not be told this is the best solution)!
The only real way to avoid a poor coaching outcome for your clients is to have enough experience to know when they are sincere, and when they are feeding you a line of BS. Only through listening, asking, and digging to bring to light hidden motivations will you be able to help them resolve these sticky men-women problems.